


Tempered

by Stedler2 (k9cat)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF) - Fandom
Genre: Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, In a way, everything is okay, i dont know what else to tag this as, let me know, so dont worry, talk about panic attacks/ worring, updating the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 07:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11412885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k9cat/pseuds/Stedler2
Summary: Logic learns something new, and he can't quite wrap his head around the idea.The others help him think it through.





	1. The Story

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, yay another fic!  
> Warning for mild dissociation, and panicking.  
> Let me know of any spelling/grammar mistakes please,  
> Anyways, enjoy!

 

It honestly made sense. The reason why things in the mind space seemed, floaty, some days.

It made sense for why things never stayed constant. That things moved around and shifted and was ever changing. That nothing was real and everything here was an illusion. That it was all, that they, that he, was just a figment of his manifestors imagination. Nothing more. They were synapses in the brain firing signals back and forth from neuron to neuron. Just gray matter and blood cells.

The thoughts were just a little too much to process. Overloading and stalling thought processes. Too much for the one made to think and process new information. Too much to understand so that Thomas could learn. For being the one that represents rational thought, logic, and wisdom, he could not wrap his mind around this. The new ideas were just a little too much.

Everything truly, and objectively, felt real in here. His clothing rubbed when he moved and he could touch things. Food was hot and cold and smelled yummy, and he could taste the flavours when he ate. Prince was boisterous and loud, Morality’s hugs comforting and Anxiety had his quiet presence. They all felt real. Why did he not feel real? His skin to tight and clothing rubbing the wrong way and it was to bright and there’s white noise in his ears. Why were things around him not feeling real? It is just an illusion nothing is real. Yet they could be summoned, into the real world. Talk with Thomas and others, interact with them. Interact with the world around them. Move things, touch things, smell things, feel things. But they are parts of a whole. Figments of imagination, energy materialized and able to take different forms. Not permanent, not real, not here. Illusion, false, fake, but here, only because of Him.

Nothing felt real. His mind spun with the looping thoughts. It felt like he was being swept up in the current. He was barely able to keep above the river of swirling thoughts. Yet his mind continued to wander while it felt like his body was being swept away, rushing down the torrent while he hung unable to move. He couldn’t keep above the flow. Sound was muffled over the rushing of blood in his ears and the fuzzy white static that surrounded him. Breath was shallow, harder to breath every time his skin became tighter around him and his clothes scratched away at him. He could hear somebody from far away calling his name, a lifeline he couldn’t grasp and it slipped through his fingers no matter how much he tried to take hold of it.

Everything was numb and cold and aching.

He couldn’t see in front of him, sight blurry with unwanted tears and he felt panic start to rise up in him. It was cold and constricting in his chest, squeezing out the little air he had left. He didn’t like that, he wasn’t made to process emotions. That made him worry, he wasn’t made to worry, which lead to more panic. He was drowning in these unfamiliar emotions and all to familiar thoughts.

His breathing was to short and to rapid. He couldn’t hold the air in long enough to get oxygen, even though they didn’t actually need air. He couldn’t feel his skin, he didn’t feel real. He couldn’t feel his clothes, they weren’t real. The sofa he was sitting on wasn’t real, the chairs and coffee table and tv and everything wasn’t real. Nothing is real, it is just an illusion. Synapses and gray matter and neurons firing off signals. Too much too much too much. He was lost in the illusion, swept away under thoughts. Dragged deep down into murky depth he couldn’t see out of panicking and not breathing.

There was a small point of light in the darkness above him. It tugged at him, dragging him up and away from the murky dark panic below. He let it move him away and the worry slowly drained out of him. He gasped for air that wasn’t there but he needed anyways. He received it, he could breath again. Yes, this is good. The point of light grew. It sparkled and shimmered and it grew larger as he was drawn near. It distracted him and broke the looping thoughts swirling around his head. New ideas, new thought patterns, flexible, not ridged and sticky. Yes, they are imagination, yes, we are only parts of him, but he is real. So, we must be something, we must be real, we must be Thomas. Cold numbness started to thaw, and it was warm. The light was comforting and warmed him as he came even closer. He could breathe and think and he felt something.

Felt the weight of someone beside him on the sofa, sagging the cushion with there weight. Felt warm hands holding his and someone gently rubbing his back. It all felt real.

He blinked. Ridding his eyes of the tears welling there to see Morality crouching in front of him, one of his warm hands holding his while the other wiped away a stray tear that made its way down his cheek. “Hi Logic, there you are, just keep breathing with me.” The eldest said quietly, keeping his breathing slow and steady. The simple sensation on his skin calmed him incredibly well, vice in his chest letting go completely. Anxiety released a tired sigh of relief from beside him on the sofa. The youngest was leaning on him just as much as he was leaning on the youngest for support. He tried to sit up, knowing that Anxiety liked his space just as much as he did himself. It hurt to move. The small shift he attempted sent shooting pains though his whole frame and he could not hold back the gasp of pain that escaped his mouth. His whole body ached. He was tired beyond belief.

“Shh, don’t move quiet yet,” Morality nearly whispered, hand still cupping his cheek. “We need to get you balanced first before we go to far. Can you tell us what happened?”

“Yes, please do,” Prince spoke up softly for once beside him. His hand settled from its rubbing to be on his shoulder. “Thomas was struck down with a sudden head ache and everything became not solid.”

“That, and I felt you start to panic from across the mindscape, which is supposed to be my job. So, I kinda nee to know to.” Anxiety matched the quiet volume of Morality and Prince.

He tried to speak. His mouth was dry and his throat felt scratchy and when he tried to speak all that came out was failed attempts. It hurt, everything hurt. He could feel tears start to well up again.

“Oh Logic,” Morality sympathised, bringing him and the other two into a big hug full of warmth and comfort that made the ache dull. “Its okay. Speak when you can, we will wait till you are ready.” Despite it being a little squished and the frivolousness of the action, it really did make him feel better, like his clothes weren’t to scratchy. His body relaxed and released tension.

Moments passed before he could get past the thorns in his throat. “Nothing is real.” It was quiet and rough, but it was what he could say and he hoped the others heard. “We aren’t real, we are just signals firing between neurons in his head. All around us is an illusion. Its all false, I’m false, I don’t feel real.” He said clearer. Morality ended the warm hug, looking at him in befuddlement for a moment before turning to Prince.

“Princey, can you start a kettle of water please, and get out the camomile teabags? You can make yourself hot chocolate, we will all need something warm to drink.” The eldest instructed, nodding for him to go.

Logic immediately felt the loss of Princey as soon as he stood up to go to the kitchen. The Creative aspects emotion filled ponderings was gone and he was all alone to try and sort out the mass of confusing emotions all on his own. Morality moved to sit where Prince vacated, never loosing contact. “I know emotions are not you, but I think losing Anxiety by your side right now is worse than Creativity, and I think you need to think this though on your own. Can you explain why you don’t feel real.”

“We, we _aren’t_.” His voice cracked a little with the weight of emotions running through him that wasn’t his. “We are just an illusion made by Thomas, the brain is just neurons and gray matter and things. There can’t be people in his head with rooms that feel real and interact with things and be out there with him. Its all false, I feel false.”

“Is this about what we learnt in biology the other day?” Anxiety spoke up, sounding annoyed. “If this is what is hanging you up so much you are so mistaken. We’re real. As much as anything can be real and what ‘real’ means in the first place. In the grand scheme of things, does it even really matter? We don’t know what is at the bottom of the ocean, we can’t see the creatures down there, but they are real since we know something is there. We don’t know what fills half the universe, and by current laws in science, all that stuff that you know, it technically can’t exist, but it does, its real. So, I think the fact that we are here in the first place is proof enough that we exist. Scientist are finding new things each day, and new realities to. This is our reality. That biology textbook was written before manifestors were scientifically proven. I bet if you researched it you would find a lot more relevant information and have that make more sense.” Morality and Logic just looked at him after he finished rambling and he shrunk a little bit into his hoodie. “What? Thinking about existential crises are my thing, and space is cool.” He mumbled, ducking his head but he didn’t move away from Logic.

It was quiet for a few moments until Logic spoke up thoughtfully. “That, is sound advice. I did not think of the relevance the textbook has, and that included the time period in which it was made in and the knowledge they had compared to now.” Things settled around them. Everything became clearer. The new ideas broke the thought pattern that had been looping on repeat like a bad record trapping him in its endless skipping of the same phrase. The fuzzy inconsistency of the coffee table and book shelf sharpened to crisp clear lines and the soft pattern in the sofa cushions became distinct. Little missed details became clear, stitching, variances in colour, textures, all real. Science really has theorised of many different plains of reality. This is theirs, their reality, they are real. It wasn’t sound logic and it would never be, but it was good enough and it would keep him from getting stuck again in that thought process. Anything was better than that thought process.

Prince returned with a bounce in his step, balancing four mugs on a tray as he spun around the couch to set it on the coffee table. “Everything became clearer, what happened?” He asked, looking between the three.

“Anxiety voiced an opinion that let Logic think through the loop.” Morality replied happily.

“Anxiety helped Logic?” Prince sounded perplexed.

“Oh, don’t sound so surprised Princey. You know I manage and control worry, I don’t make it. Logic was panicking in his own way. I helped him manage it. Not like you could have done that.” Anxiety jibed at the fanciful trait.

“Excuse me, I have helped Logic though loops before when you weren’t around and it was not a problem. I don’t see how it has changed now that you are here.” Prince taunted back, taking on a defensive stance, arms crossed.

“Yes, you both have helped me through loops now. I can rely on both of you now, so when one can’t help me, the other can, and I am thankful for that.” Logic spoke up before the two could enter into a snarking match, it would be to loud if he let it get any further. He saw then exchange sneering facial expressions before they dropped the squabble for a later time. He was relieved, and he was sill exhausted, leaning heavily onto Anxiety now.

He liked the contact, it grounded him, it felt real when Anxiety brushed shoulders with him, when Morality rubbed his thumb on the back of his hand. It felt real when he wasn’t quite fully there yet. But the other liked his personal space just as much as he did, if not more, Anxiety was probably feeling quite uncomfortable. He tried sitting up straight, and managed a little bit before his muscles started to burn and he slumped back onto the youngest aspect. “I’m sorry, I know you like your space but I just have no energy and it hurts to move.”

“No, I get it, and your fine right now.” Anxiety shrugged, and with the movement shifted into a more comfortable position on the sofa, fixing his plaid sweater.

“Princey, since you are still up, can you pop a disk into the player? Logic, what will it be?” Morality asked.

“Uh, Planet Earth?” he replied, voice still horse, but getting better.

“Why that? Its so boring.” Creativity whined as he walked to the shelf. “Why not 101 dalmatians or something? That has animals in it.”

“Because we are taking care of Logic right now so he gets to pick.” Morality said in that tone that meant the decision was the decision.

Princey huffed but still pulled out the case and selected a disk from the many and put it in the player. “We are watching Dalmatians after this though.” He settled on the sofa beside the parent once the documentary started playing, accepting his hot chocolate from Morality who passes out the mugs.

Lights dimmed and blankets settled over them leading to a comfortable atmosphere. The tea was warm and filled the space with a light aromatic scent that went well with the calm sophisticated sound of the narrator. He could feel the tenseness Anxiety was holding, but it was well under control in his grasp, and it left him reassured that there was nothing to worry about. Morality was the ever optimistic and happy trait he was, leading to a sense of ease and comfort. Through the fatherly trait, by what he could only call isotonic diffusion, he could feel that Princey was already thinking up creative ideas and new fanciful creatures based off the ones he was watching in the screen.

He knew that they didn’t actually transfer emotions and thought processes like how body cells exchange materials and water, but it was the closest thing he could come up with, to their knowledge, that matched what happened. He had to put a name to it when they did. When they were all on the couch like this, in contact with one another, where feelings blended with thoughts and the extremes of what they are was tempered by the opposite and complementary. To have it make sense, when they balanced each other and they weren’t just flat parts of a gestalt, but the whole on there own that was Thomas. When they were happy and content and no one was overpowering the others, the fabric that weaved them together was strong and they didn’t accidently pull at each other threads.

Anxiety shifted and sank down more into the sofa. Logic glanced over to see the youngest looking like he was already asleep. Carefully moving, he took the empty mug out of Anxiety’s lax hand. Stretching from his comfortable position he put there mugs on the coffee table. He settled back down, fixing the blankets draped over them and let himself relax into the presence of the others, balanced and comfortable.

~*~

 

“Well Logic, despite how, boring the documentary was, it did give me some new ideas. So I do have to give you props for that since it wasn’t a complete waste of my time.” Princey said as the credits rolled across the end screen. He received no reply, not even the quiet huff that gave away Logic’s amusement that he tried to hide when he was astonished when they weren’t acting logical. Glancing past Morality he saw Logic and Anxiety fast asleep. The youngest had sunk down into the corner where the arm met the back of the sofa. He looked quite comfortable curled up under his blanket. Logic had slumped over onto him, glasses askew and blanket half falling off, his exhaustion belaying any uncomfortableness he had.

“Aww, are they not adorable!” Morality quietly gushed, not wanting to wake the peacefully sleeping aspects.

“I suppose it is? Say, Morality, how did Anxiety help Logic? I think if anything all of his… negativness would have hindered Logic in breaking out of the loop where my creativeness for sure helps him.” Princey asked, sounding baffled.

“I think I can see where you are coming from, but I also think you are missing something to. You and Logic are thinking aspects, and you know you both help and hinder each other. Logic and Anxiety, despite being a mindset and emotion based aspect respectively, both think upon more realistic paths than you and I. Anxiety is more emotions with thoughts that think along more factual lines. The way you think, thoughts with emotions, would have added a layer of not-real to the loop, and that would have not helped Logic in the end. He needed to think through the loop that was caused by him overthinking the idea that we are not actually real. Anxiety, with how he thinks, led Logic out of the loop, he was feeling and thinking to much, and Anxiety knows how to work with that because he is that. He grounded Logic in realistic thoughts and, no pun intended, gave him a reality check.” Patton tried to explain to the fanciful trait.

“Huh, that is interesting. I would not have thought to look at the emotional part of the problem and talk that through. I would have looked for the fault thoughts like usual.” Princey replied sounding thoughtful.

“That’s why Anxiety helped more this time than you did, and that is not a problem. Logic was worried and as Ann said, he works with worries. He helped Logic think them through. He did say thankyou for your help anyways.” Morality finished explaining.

“Yes, he did say that.” Prince nodded, accepting the fact, he looked once again to the sleeping traits. “Should we move them to their rooms? I still want to watch Dalmatians.”

“No, they’re fine. You felt how tired Logic was, and even with that exhaustion he is a light sleeper. He’ll wake if we move him to much, and Anxiety is having a peaceful sleep, I’d hate to startle him out of it. If we keep the volume low we will be fine. Now hurry up, I want to watch Dalmatians to. Oh! Popcorn! You get the movie ready while I get some popped.” Morality said excitedly, but still quietly, and hopped to the kitchen.

Before the movie was half over though, they too were fast asleep.

~*~

 

He jerked awake. Something had moved around him and that was enough to startle him out of his sleep. He was pinned down by weight overtop of him and strapped in by his to warm to stuffy blanket. This was not normal, this was worrisome. The room was dim, blue, not his room, amber, not familiar, and that made the worry rise in his chest. It started to short his breath, but he kept breathing, kept the vice loose and the burning away. He forced his eyes open again to take stalk of the room, this was very much irrational panic.

It was dim because he was in the commons. The blue light was from the t.v. in front of him showing the snowy fuzz of no images being played and the lost thoughts of consciousness. The sound was a low static in the background, the sound of the universe trying to be understood and trees rustling in the winds and thousands of conversations overlapping at once. The casted blue glow faintly lit up the surroundings, an island floating in the forever darkness of the mindscape. There was the shelving full of movies, books, and other things they had collected and deemed well enough to put on display. The four single chairs, two to each side of the sofa placing the boundaries of the sitting area centered by the coffee table, which was littered with empty mugs from tea, a half empty bowl of popcorn and an open disk case. Right, the documentary, Logic panicking.

Logic had a small existential crisis and had freaked out, getting stuck in a thought loop. He had helped, for once in his existence, had helped Logic think it through. Now though, he was pinned under the weight of said aspect who was like a brick, heavy and unwilling to move. He could still feel that Logic was tired, he was still tired to. Drawing the rational aspect out of the panic that was drowning him and taking it on himself was not a small feat. He was very glad that Morality and Princey felt the shift in the mindscape and came to check on the situation. Morality provided the ever-constant calm and security that always helped in panic and Princey, as annoying as he could be, initially broke to loop in the first place, letting Logic get enough bearings to think his way through the rest. He didn’t know what he would have done if they weren’t there.

Thinking of the two, he looked past Logic who was sprawled over him to the elders. Princey was slumped into the sofa very much like how he was, hair messy with rolling into pillows. His Disney blanket was draped over him and Morality, who was leaning on the fanciful trait, glasses askew and had his legs tangled with Logics sound asleep.

He shifted carefully, freeing his arms and chest of the stuffy blanket. Any stray pieced of panic was swept away, everything was okay. It also made sense for why it was strange, not a bad strange, a good strange. A nice feeling of not-worry and impending doom, knowing that everything really was under control. Usually waking up startled was a result of nightmares and worries that lead to him choking back tears and shaking under his quilt until the shadows left him alone. Not someone shifting and bumping him. His nightmares, no, his dreams had been really subdued, nothing more than little unpleasant bubbles that burst and went away. There was no vice to constrict his breath and the burning wasn’t there. Princey shifted, pulling the blanket over him tighter, which had Morality shift to follow said blanket, which bumped Logic as his legs moved, who moved to get comfortable again. He felt the ripples of the others, fleeting little things that passed through but still affected him. Ah, the Others. They were all tempering each other and finding balance. Bad nightmares met grandiose dreams, settling in the middle, thoughts mixed with emotions, positive met negative. All those things. It was strange, feeling the almost numbness of not himself but still being there, loosing himself in the whole but still threaded through the rest. Strange, but a good strange. He relaxed back into the sofa, and let the others sleepiness pull him down into rest once again.

~*~


	2. Bonus!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety wakes up after a movie marathon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially wrote this before I wrote Tempered, seeing as how what you'll read didn't quite get across what I wanted to portray. I still really like what I wrote though, but it's not going anywhere and it's staying as is, and I wanted to share it still, so it's going here.   
> You can definitely tell the last section was modeled after this writing here though.   
> enjoy!

 

Something shuffled around beside him, and that was enough to startle him out of his sleep. Anxiety tried to move, but he was pinned under weight and strapped in by his stuffy blanket around him. It was very dim in the room, not his room, and that made the irrational panic well up more in his chest. He breathed, keeping away the vice and fire in his chest and he forced his eyes open again to take stalk of the room, this was very much irrational panic.

It was dim because he was in the commons, the tv in front of him displaying the snowy fuzz of no actual image being projected, sound a soft static low in the background. The tv cast a blur glow on the surroundings, shelving full of movies, books, and other assortments of things. Single chairs off to the sides. The coffee table still littered with empty mugs and to popcorn bowls containing only unpopped kernels that liked to break molars if they found a way inside your mouth. No one had warned him of them the first time he had popcorn while watching movies.

Right, movies. They were having a movie marathon, and each of the four of them had chosen one to watch. They had watched Morality’s and Creativity’s choices first, since it would get them, well, mainly Princey to shut up and not whine while they watched his and Logics. It was late enough as it was when Logic put in the disk for his documentary, a short one, he clamed, but still a documentary, and all had fallen asleep on the sofa.

Like every other movie night, he was pinned between the Disney reject and the walking dictionary. He didn’t know why both had chosen him for a pillow, they were both leaning on him, their heads on his shoulders. Logics glasses tilted and obscured on his face making the serious trait look, well, not serious. He wanted to take off his glasses to put them aside, but his hands and arms were pined under his quilt that he was wrapped up in, held down by the weight of Morality who had somehow laid across all three of their laps without falling off, his rainbow blanket covering the eldest trait.

It was honestly a little strange, but in a good way. Usually he would be choking down tears from am nightmare that had made its way up and past, but this night had been really subdued, nothing more than a startle, and he felt not as anxious. There was not a match ready to strike to start the burning, nor a clamp ready to constrict his breathing. Usually chaotic thoughts weren’t al willy nilly, the more outrageous ponderings settling down. The Others. They were all tempering each other in different ways, finding balance. Bad nightmares and grandiose dreams settling in the peaceful middle. To worried for self and concern for others compromised at best for both, thoughts met feelings, and happy met sad. Resolution and closure. It really was strange, but it was good. He relaxed, something he didn’t get to do often, and Anxiety slipped back into sleep.

~*~

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!   
> I hope you liked it

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I don't dissociate, and I wrote this before I made the correlation to what Logic was experiencing was like Dissociation, so if there is anything glaringly incorrect/wrong, please let me know.  
> I don't bite, so if you want to say something, go ahead,  
> Stedler.


End file.
